I Didn’t Realize I Was Suffering From Postpartum Depression; I Just Thought I Was A Bad Mom
I’m quite familiar with depression. It’s been a longtime friend (🙄) of mine. One that sometimes creeps up around this time of year for me. Throwing postpartum into the mix this year, I should’ve recognized the signs earlier. But I didn’t. I didn’t think that all my negative thoughts and struggles were due to Postpartum Depression. I just thought I was a bad mom. I thought I wasn’t capable to take care of two kids. I thought I wasn’t capable to take care of myself. All around I just thought I was failing at being a human.
Until I had my Postpartum appointment. Part of that appointment was screening for Postpartum Depression. While reading the questions on the test, I just started to cry. I cried because I didn’t realize I was in the hole that postpartum depression is. I cried because the questions it was asking felt all too familiar. I cried because the way I was truthfully answering the questions was sad and scary.
All the ways I’ve been feeling for the past few weeks were put into words. All the ways I’ve been feeling, I had thought were because I was not supposed to be a mother. All the ways I’ve been feeling, I had thought were because I was not supposed to be alive. When really all the ways I’ve been feeling are because I have Postpartum Depression.
My appointment was just this week, so I obviously still have all of these negative thoughts and struggles. They don’t just go away once you’re diagnosed. However, now I can try to tell myself it’s PPD talking and not the truth. It’s a long process to get back to normal. With a lot of help from my new medication, therapy, and loved ones.
I am so beyond blessed for the doctor that I have for not only diagnosing me, but she also sat there with me. She sat there to listen and to comfort. Not just to diagnose me and prescribe me a new medication. She kept on asking what else she could do to help. Sincerely. She didn’t make me feel like a statistic. She made me feel like a mother who needed to be comforted and a person who needed help.
I’m sharing this not as a cry for help. I’m getting the help I need from my doctor, therapist, new medication, and family and friends. I’m sharing this because I like to be vulnerable about my mental health. It’s actually a form of therapy for me and if it also helps out one other person then I see that as a win too.
So here’s a reminder to check in on your loved ones. Whether they’re postpartum or not. It’s not always the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. ❤️ However, you can maybe help make it a little bit better for them.
If you are struggling postpartum or not, know that you’re not alone. Ask for help. Share your negative thoughts with loved ones. You will get through this. It might be hard to believe that, but you will. And I will too.