Increased Number Of Athletes Dying By Suicide

⚠️ Trigger warning: suicide ⚠️

Two months ago I had a plan to end my life. In January, I told myself if my postpartum depression wasn’t better by my birthday, I was done. That’s how long I told myself I could hold on. I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts in the past, but this was the first time I started to plan. Postpartum hormones can be so scary.

I didn’t tell anyone either. Not my therapist. Not my husband. Nobody. My loved ones knew I had suicidal thoughts, but not that I had any plans. Thankfully my medication got to the right dosage about two weeks before my birthday.

I did finally tell my husband the week of my birthday because I was getting a little triggered. I never wanted to tell anyone about this because I felt so ashamed and embarrassed.

However, with the increasing number of student athletes dying by suicide, I felt compelled to share my story.

The first time I ever had suicidal thoughts was while I was a collegiate softball player. I was struggling from a career ending injury. Once I became injured my coaches treated me as if I didn’t exist. Since I wasn’t useful to them on the field they made me feel like I was useless to them as a person. For a long time, I felt this way about myself.

Even before getting injured, I remember being worried if/what/when we would eat after having a bad away game. The way we played on the road determined what they fed us. I can go on and on about my experience, but I’ll stop here.

People wonder why a collegiate athlete would take their own life. Try looking beyond their stats. Look at how they are treated and how they are doing mentally, emotionally, etc.. Then you may start to get an understanding of how they might have gotten to that dark place.


Hi, thanks for stopping by!

Just a reminder, I'm not a medical professional! Not a therapist or doctor. My advice is based off of my own experiences being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. A lot of the tips I share are things I've learned from my therapist! 

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